Deep lake

2019. 8. 25. Sunday. Cool.

I feel faint all day long. I don’t feel like to do anything. All my body is too heavy. I don’t have energies to move my body, or even to lift my arms up. I took allergy medicine because I began to feel pain deep in my nose. Is this because of the medicine?

I was going to wash my shoes and bag yesterday. I couldn’t. I should have washed those today but I didn’t. I didn’t work out and didn’t go to ride my bicycle today. What a day. I haven’t eaten meals. I ate some chocolates though.

I am not depressed. I am not tired or sleepy. I feel I am floating on a lake without any breeze. I can say that my mind is peaceful. The problem is way too much peaceful. When I sit, I’m sinking in my chair. When I lie, I am sinking into the floor. Maybe I am not floating on a lake rather I am sinking down in the lake. It is not a shallow lake. It is a lake that no one knows its depth. I can feel light rays from the surface but it is becoming dim. I don’t know how to breath in the water. I am not aware of it. I just can breath, when I breath out few bubbles go up. When I am surrounded by complete darkness, I close my eyes. I can’t see, I can’t hear, I can’t smell. Will I reach to the bottom?
No! I should not belong to here. At least not yet. Then a sliver ray shines to me. I open my eyes. The ray is too strong so it brightens this deep and dark world and leads me to way out of here. I start to move my fingertips. I start to move my arms and legs. I am swimming to the surface. It is time to awaken. As I get closer to the surface, I see bright sky, white clouds. Birds are singing. Breeze brings me scents of trees and flowers. Let’s get out of this water. To the land where I should belong to.